So the six months are coming up with my boy. Sometimes I can’t believe time went by so fast. With been so far away from him because of school, it sometimes makes it hard to think that I actually have a boyfriend. I love him so much, I really do. But am I in love with him? I don’t know. It’s so complicated sometimes. There are days that I am the happiest girl and I can’t wait to see him, and I feel like I can be with him forever and not care that he was my first boyfriend. But there are other days when it doesn’t matter to me, and I start thinking is he really the one for me? and then i think yeah, i’m just trippin’ yes he is. I guess a long distance relationship turned out to be harder than i thought. You know how people say, a dream is a wish your heart makes? Well what if you start dreaming with a guy who you stopped thinking about a while ago, but he still keeps on showing? and there are times when I dream of my boy. But it’s just not the same. And going to a religious school where literally most of the population is married or engaged; it makes me think about marriage. And if he is the one for me. It’s complicated. My goal was always to get married before 25, and with turning 20 in less than 2 months, I realized that that day is coming. And it doesn’t help when I ask people if they see me married with my boy, and some people have said no, including my mother. And it makes me so mad, because not being with him hurts me. It’s complicated. I guess time will only tell, but the last thing I want to do is hurt him. He loves me so much, and he’s told me he’s in love with me, and I know he cares so much about me. He has visited me here in school, he’s flown from california to Idaho twice this year and he’s going to come again, I love him, a lot. It’s just complicated.
nooobel:michaeeeel:(via rreow)
So school started about a month ago. And is not quite as I expected it to be. Why? You ask? Well because after a very long time someone showed up in my life who i happened to be interested in…or so I thought-and no i did not meet him at school-. It was quite a surprise because I’ve only seen this guy literally once in my life and when we met we said like a sentence or 2 to each other. We’ve gotten to know each other and that he’s interested is no question, because he is and he’s told me. In fact he likes me to the point that he is literally flying over 700 miles just to see me. And this is where it gets tricky. I am a very over analyzing person, so obviously I’m going to be thinking a lot about this situation. We’ve talked about him visiting for a while and the plan was that he would visit just for the weekend; but when 3 before the date came he changed his mind and said he wanted to stay for a week. You would of expected me to feel happy when i heard this, and so did i, but I wasn’t to my surprise. And that’s when reality hit me. If I really liked the guy wouldn’t I want him to stay as long as possible? I actually felt quite uncomfortable with the idea. And I realized that maybe, I just liked the idea of finally having someone interested in me more than the guy himself.
I mean i like him but I’m not in love with the guy. And another reason why I think this is true is because if things weren’t to work out, I wouldn’t cry about it-not that I’m much of a crier anyway-or be so upset about and actually i would get over it quite quickly. Also the guy that I love i guess you can say is still in my mind, not as much because now I have a distraction, but he’s still there. One thing that one of my friends said was “why can’t he wait? what’s the rush on seeing you right now? he can’t judge you or make his decision in 4 days, it seems weird to me. Guys get attached faster than girls.” He has a point, it does feel like he is waaay more attached than i am and why the rush and not wait till i go home? what is he expecting? A thing that bothers me is that he thinks I’m perfect -no joke - and I don’t like that because I know I’m not, and he gambles, and is not from my religion, and doesn’t know what he wants for his future besides the fact that he wants to work at a casino. My mom would not approve if I told her that at all. But then again, he makes me laugh and smile all the time. He shows the he cares. It’s soo confusing. So many mixed feelings. Idk what to do or think. Blaaah.
My shortest relationship was a month.
I’ve had a few short-term boyfriends.
I’ve been given flowers.
I’ve been given chocolate.
I’ve been given shoes/clothes.
I’ve been given jewelry.
I’ve been kissed in the rain.
I’ve been kissed under the stars.
I’ve been kissed on a roller coaster.
I’ve been kissed in a pool.
I’ve been kissed underwater.
I’ve been kissed while I was driving.
I’ve been kissed while I was asleep.
I’ve been kissed in a bus.
I’ve been kissed while laying in the grass.
I’ve been on a date.
I’ve been on a group date.
I’ve taken a nap with a guy.
I’ve made out in a closet.
I’ve made out with just a friend.
I’ve made out with a member of the same sex.
I’ve played some sort of kissing game.
I’ve been asked out in person.
I’ve been asked out online.
I’ve been asked out over the phone.
I’ve been asked out on Valentine’s Day.
A guy has cooked for me.
A guy has written me a poem.
A guy has sang for me.
A guy has played guitar for me.
A guy has carried me.
A guy has given me a piggy back ride.
I’ve cuddled with a guy whom I wasn’t dating.
I’ve been kissed on the lips.
I’ve been kissed on the neck.
I’ve been kissed on the stomach.
I’ve been kissed on the nose.
I’ve been kissed on the top of the head.
I’ve been kissed on the hand.
I’ve been kissed on the feet.
I’ve received a hickey.
I’ve given a hickey.
I’ve been in love.
I’ve been in lust.
I’ve confessed to a crush.
A crush has confessed to me.
I’ve been in a love triangle.
I’ve been on a date to the movies.
I’ve been on a date to a restaurant.
I’ve been on a date to an arcade.
I’ve had a crush on a member of the same sex before and I’m straight.
I’ve been felt up in public.
I’ve been cheated on.
I’ve had feelings for somebody else when I was already taken.
I’ve had feelings for a friend’s boyfriend.
A friend has dated my ex.
I’ve dated a friend’s ex.
I’m still friends with an ex.
A guy has talked dirty to me before.
I celebrate anniversaries.
I celebrate monthsaries.
I’ve never been given a promise ring.
A guy has promised me forever.
If I have a boyfriend, I give him nicknames.
I’ve fallen for my best friend.
A guy has given me a foot massage.
A guy has rubbed my shoulders.
I like holding hands in public.
A guy has tried to take me away from my boyfriend.
I’ve cooked/baked for a guy.
I’ve stayed up late talking to a guy I had feelings for.
I haven’t had a sleepover with the opposite sex.
I’ve led a guy on.
I’ve knowingly teased a guy.
I’ve been in the same class as a boyfriend.
I’ve never been in a long distance relationship.
she randomly states…not ask, but states: (worried face) “kathy you don’t like anybody.”
and the day after:
I was heading out my door when all of a sudden my mom says:
“You’re wearing that??”
me: “um yes”
mom: “you know there are going to be guys over there.”
me: “yes i’m aware of that mom and??”
mom: “(smiles) don’t you want to wear something else?”
me: “no this is comfortable, and if they don’t like me because of what I wear oh well, what they see is what they get mom.”
mom: “oook.”
by the way I was wearing a t-shirt with a long sleeve shirt underneath, jeans, and my black shoes.
Ooooh mothers….gotta love them.
